Going to the depths
Hello beautiful soul in human form,
How's your heart? Life sure does give us a myriad of lessons & ways to learn how to be with ourselves. If it feels like so much is processing, transforming, and integrating for you right now- I'm right there with ya. Sending you inner fortitude and patience with Self through the journey.
----
I had an ideal Bree dream day this past Sunday. I taught a class, assisted a breathwork training with one of the teachers I admire the most, and led a Breathwork & Sound workshop with my dear friend Kathleen in the evening. By the end of the day, I was all used up in the all the good ways. I came home completely exhausted but with my heart overflowing with joy at this beautiful life, this beautiful day. A day in which I learned so much, I expanded my capacity to hold space, and my heart got stretched just a little bit more open than I thought was possible. A day of alignment, of truth, of co-creating the spaces of belonging I had always longed for on my own healing journey. Sometimes I still can't believe this is my life.
I am grateful to always be a student and to have been around my teacher all weekend. She takes me to the sharp edges of my Self and always makes me confront what I'm avoiding. This is what I look for in any teacher - someone or some thing that shows me how to move through what I would otherwise not notice or choose to ignore. My teacher currently is someone that takes me beyond the comfort and patterning that might massage my ego but keeps me looping in the same unconscious cycles. I'm not here to stay stuck, I'm here to evolve - I always look for what and who resonates with me that speaks to evolution. She tells it to me straight, which is a quality I always admire - honesty and telling it like it is. Give me the truth always. Truth is soul medicine.
My teacher said, "Bree, in order to have more impact, you have to deepen your capacity."
Truth. I am building my capacity to hold more space, to stand my ground, to speak my truth, and to take others to the depths of themselves by meeting my own depths. I can't meet or hold space for others depths if I haven't met my own. I've been meeting my Self in my depths for awhile now - this is the Underworld - a place where all the subconscious beliefs and grey matter surrounding the heart becomes apparent - to be healed, to be met, to be processed and moved through. I'm not afraid of the darkness, the shadowy regions - I welcome this space now. The shadow, the counter side to the light, when experienced fully, lends itself to a more complete experience of the light that I wouldn't trade for anything. If I don't go down, under, and in - my life feels half full and distorted. I know I haven't met my Self fully, when I'm left with a dull ache in my heart and an unacknowledged desire or yearning that knows there's something more. This is how I am deepening my capacity to hold space for others - to meet my edges and then go through and beyond them. Nothing of me scares me anymore - I welcome it all, the full spectrum, the dark regions, the not so "nice" or appealing parts. The shades of me I'd rather keep behind closed doors now are welcome to come out and play - "bring it on" I say - nothing scares me about me anymore. It's all welcome. I am working to build the capacity to hold the frequency of truth in all situations. I'm working to hold space for what's beyond the surface levels of being, as this has been where I've spent most of my life meeting my Self. It's not pretty there, but it's honest. It's also honoring the alchemy process of this darkness that has led to the dreamy day I started with - a day of more freedom and joy than I could have possibly imagined. I'm friends with the darkness now. I see it for what it is....an essential part of the cycle of it it all.
My dream day has been a result of a life committed to understanding the "why", "the what am I here for", and "who am I" questions I've been asking since I was a young girl. I've been able to hold my own hand through the dark moments, a lot of it I did alone. A lot of it I wish I didn't have to have done alone. My dream day is being around a community space of collective processing, of talking about truth, or normalizing the discussion of things that I used to feel I had to process or be with behind closed doors. I am the creator and facilitator of spaces where it all belongs - the shadows, the dark underbelly, the "unlovable" parts, the cavernous reasons that get shoved away for another time. I hold this space for others because it is the space I have learned to hold for my Self. I am here to meet all of me. My life is often going down, in, and to the depths - so I can speak to and open the door for others to potentially do the same. The "work" I offer requires others to show up and do the "work". It requires self participation, self-ownership, and a willingness to say yes to the discomfort and dark regions. On the other side of the darkness, lies sustainable change, lies actual evolution, lies true freedom - none of which can happen by avoiding discomfort or shoving down the parts of us that want to be integrated.
I believe it's important to ask ourselves what we want to learn and what we want out of a teacher. For some, it's physical depth. For some, it's teachers of the mind. It's all beautiful work, this is why all teachers are necessary and essential - to be able to speak to what resonates for someone's now is an incredible gift. And the right medicine for us now is a moving target. All teachers are essential.
Personally, while I love it all, my work currently speaks to clearing space around and for the heart, spirit, and soul. For me, I am always looking for those that have taken a few steps farther along in the direction my soul wants to be traveling in. I look for a teacher that holds the frequency that I'm trying to learn to sustain. I look for teachers that show me how to meet my Self on a deeper level than I've previously known. I seek out people, places, and circumstances that show me open doors to my soul and spirit that I didn't notice before. I look for teachers that help me access the parts of my Self that are currently in hiding. By surrounding my Self with what speaks to where my soul is evolving to - I am able to support my Self into the next iteration of becoming.
-----
My Shades of Emotions program came from going to the depths and wanting to create a safe and sacred container to guide others to do the same. While its' primary focus is processing dense energy related to suppressed emotions, much of the intention behind it is to free up more space in our bodies, hearts, and spirits to experience more joy, alignment, freedom, and openness. I have found, from my own experience, that this usually involves going down and in. It involves excavating the shadowy parts that aren't always so pretty or fun to recognize or talk about. It involves an initiation period of meeting ourselves on a deeper level than we thought was previously possible. I am passionate about normalizing collective processing and talking about challenging things in community. This is the kind of space I always wanted in my own journey, so I created it. We can build our capacity to hold and move through difficult things together - side by side. If you're interested in this intimate month-long journey starting June, reach out by responding to this email so we can see if it feels aligned!
Love you all.
Thanks for reading,
Bree
RECOMMENDATIONS
“To cherish secrets and to restrain emotions are psychic misdemeanours for which nature finally visits us with sickness—that is, when we do these things in private. But when they are done in communion with others they satisfy nature and may even count as useful virtues. It is only restraint practised in and for oneself that is unwholesome. It is as if man had an inalienable right to behold all that is dark, imperfect, stupid and guilty in his fellow-beings—for such of course are the things that we keep private to protect ourselves. It seems to be a sin in the eyes of nature to hide our insufficiency—just as much as to live entirely on our inferior side. There appears to be a conscience in mankind which severely punishes the man who does not somehow and at some time, at whatever cost to his pride, cease to defend and assert himself, and instead confess himself fallible and human. Until he can do this, an impenetrable wall shuts him out from the living experience of feeling himself a man among men. Here we find a key to the great significance of true, unstereotyped confession—a significance known in all the initiation and mystery cults of the ancient world, as is shown by a saying from the Greek mysteries: "Give up what thou hast, and then thou wilt receive.”
Modern Man in Search of a Soul by Carl Jung
*Also highly recommend following Astrid Schmidt on instagram. She is a psychotherapist who also touches on the soul/spirit in most of her work. I really resonate with how she speaks on things.
Journal Prompts:
1. What parts of my Self do I tend to avoid?
2. What parts of me do I hide from others?
3. What fears come up around looking at or sharing this part of me?
4. Where & when (memory, moment in time, etc) did this fear develop?