A DIVINE MESS
Hello beautiful community,
I don't have too many "intro words", just that it's nice to be here with you all in this life journey. Thank you for reading, thank you for being, and thank you for the ways each of you show up from the heart that affect the cosmic web of it all.
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Becoming is a non-elegant process. I was an always have been a divine mess. I believe the human experience is a journey of not-knowing, stumbling, arriving, and learning more through it all. The over saturation of a society based on performance, curated lives, and the illusion of linearity has seeped into the consciousness and stolen our birthright of this beautifully chaotic journey of growth.
The voice of the soul is often lost amongst appearances. The heartbeat of spirit has become branded and morphed into oblivion. I'm saying this not with a heavy heart, but more with an understanding of the demand from my system which longs to remember the truth. It seems radical self ownership and authenticity in the truest sense comes from persistence in what, most of the time, I can't see mirrored in the world around me.
There are things that are bred into us without us having say in it all, until we either 1) choose to break down everything we've ever saw modeled or witnessed in order to belong to our Self again or 2) choose to stay unconscious to the fact that the life that has been shown to us was programmed by a system void of spirit and soul. I get wanting to go to sleep because breaking down everything we've known in order to know truth, seems like a bit of a rough route (and it is, and it still is, I've been in the game for a minute, and will probably be in the game for the rest of my life). But what's the alternative? Never truly belonging to oneself? Living by beliefs that were not ours to begin with?
The people I respect most deeply in this life are the ones that are speaking the voice of the soul - however that looks or manifests externally. The people I seek to learn from are the one's that are showing up boldly on behalf of an honest individual and collective becoming. If the society is continually curating, contorting, molding, manipulating, and programming based on the current collective consciousness - we have to decide how much we are going to play along with that. It is this conscious choice to not follow the herd, if it is not alignment with your soul, that will lead to the love/freedom (whatever it is we seek) in our lives.
I believe we all have the ways we "follow the herd" and usually the ways that have been most conditioned in by our lived experience are the hardest components of the algorithm to break.
Example: If what I say is outside of the mainstream collective frequency, I may not be accepted/validated/part of the tribe if I say it. So I won't say it. (Obviously been working on that one for a minute.)
But the thing that happens if I say it, is I get to have my voice, I get to live into my being a bit more fully. The alternative is repression which manifests as distortion in my life - physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically, spiritually... all of it. So most days my voice comes out like a kinked hose finding its' steady stream once again - I get to have my voice - that has and has always been the reward. It is "messy"according to the collective maybe, it is a beautiful journey of remember to me. I'd rather have my voice than not be "messy."
No matter what we accrue externally it will not buy us the love/freedom/peace we do or do not feel when we are alone by ourselves.What parts of you are not claimed by you? Who has claim to them? Why? Empowerment is in the reclamation. Belonging to the distortion of the collective psyche is a form of pseudo belonging. How can we belong to something/anything when we don't know what it means to belong to ourselves?
I completely understand there are layers to this. I want to see if I can create a whole life (externalization and all) that is based on truly belonging to my Self and my Soul. I understand that I am fortunate in the attempt and that this is not always accessible. But.... I do believe we can claim our own body, our own voice, our own breath, our own mind, our own soul, and our own spirit. I do believe we can claim how we show up to the moment every moment. The spirit and soul can be present and come back online within any external moment. Master is the one who is able to fully claim themselves in any moment in any circumstance.
To not fall prey to the false, simply because it appears easier.
To not fall prey to the false, simply because one can't be with oneself.
To no fall prey to the false, simply because one doesn't know who they are without it.
To no fall prey to the false, simply for a distorted form of love, acceptance, validation, or belonging
(false as whatever you perceive it to be within your own system)
In order to shift our own algorithm we have to access higher fields of consciousness. Now my system can access and feel when something/someone has moved beyond the current collective algorithm.It is a recognition of sorts - "I see that you are no longer showing up with the current operating system, I see and feel the soul in you which is beyond any operating system." It is an attunement to one's own rythymn and a remembering of what's always been. My system is in a continual shedding of the false in order to recognize itself and I'm not mad about it; however, there's quite a bit to shed. This makes me excited for the amount I still have yet to reclaim. They go hand in hand.
I'm not an expert or master or anything of the sort, nor do I long to be. I don't think I'm right and I'm not trying to be. I am simply one who wishes to speak honestly about what is. I am simply one who wants to remember why it all matters. I am simply one who wishes to belong to herself entirely and from that origin point belong to the world. I wish only to normalize that the breaking down of the false is a messy, confusing, and sometimes lonely process. Truth has and continues to teach me that when I show up for the process, knowing it's all a process, I get to have Self, Soul, and Spirit back. Truth has shown me that then I get to engage with life from this place. It all has become more beautiful because of this. I am still and forever more, a divine mess - but I don't mind it anymore. I like my mess and I don't need anyone to validate me in that or anything else for that matter. I no longer have the chain of needing to belong to what I never wanted to be a part of, but I do have the golden thread of belonging in a way that feels truer and more connective to my being. I am grateful for all of those who normalize the journey of becoming and show up boldly from the Soul - you have shown me the way. I am feeling my Self & Soul to be the true home I have always been seeking. If you're looking to reach me, that home is where I'll be... and I don't plan on leaving. Homebody indeed. (;
Wishing you moments of soul fishing and catching,
Thank you for reading,
Bree