A Search For Joy

Updated: Jan 6, 2020

I was in one of my favorite breathwork teacher’s classes the other day when she said, “are you having fun yet?”. She was referring to this life, this journey that we are all on. As soon as she asked it, I realized that I rarely allow myself to have “fun”. I am always planning the next thing, worried about making ends meet, or busying myself without truly being with myself. I have forgotten how to have fun, how to laugh, and how to be joyous for just being alive.

After my years in ballet of learning control and discipline, I had no idea what freedom and excitement felt like. After years of seeing my dad model that working 60 hours a week and sacrificing yourself in the process was the way to live, I didn’t know how to take a step back and ask myself what it was all for.

We get to taste the sweetness of joy in moments without realizing that we could move through and carry that state with us throughout our lives. Those moments are source’s way of reminding us that we are alive and we can have fun. In fact, when we are in true bliss the work that comes from that will reflect our inner state. When I am trudging along moving task to task dogmatically, the work that comes from that is ineffective and doesn’t land. We aren’t ignited by seeing the martyr trying to prove a point, but the laughing beautiful soul that reminds us that we are here. That here is a blessing if we just allow it to be.

So even when I feel like I’ve forgotten how to “have fun”, I can be reminded in the small moments and carry some of that in my heart. If there is suffering going on in world around me, it does me no good to suffer myself just for the sake of suffering. It is a privilege to be able to have the freedom to experience this human form and enjoy it- so how dare I not do that? My commitment to myself this year is much about finding my joy and allowing myself to smile, laugh, and play as much as possible. I wish the same for you!

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